There's an intensity inside me. A passion of self loathing. An ever present nagging of crippling emotions. Betraying me. Sucking me into their trap. Wilting my soul for eternity. Condescending little bastards that they are won't leave me alone. They misconstrue my mind. How it works, how it thinks. All is lost to them. The complex twists my mind makes to embed an ever lasting image in my heart. No matter how false. That one day I might gain love, true love. Why the misconception of truth? Why? Finally I have received back what I made a habit of giving. At long last it is my turn to suffer from this insanity. My turn to see how feels. To have my heart wrenched, and twisted in bitter turmoil. My stomach set ill at ease. Why was I so stupid? I have never in my life regretted anything so much. Nothing so crucial to my well being. The agony and torture of making such an unbearable mistake comes to bitter reality. Never have I felt such strong hatred. Hatred directed at myself alone. It's not supposed to happen this way. I'm not supposed to be the one who gets screwed over so effectively as to do this. This hatred I feel is eating me alive. Devouring my heart raw. Sweet trickles of blood stain my very soul. Always to have this blemish, always to have this scar. This horrible Mental Scar. Leaving only weakness and a vulnerability I can't control. I can't muster the energy to fix this, There;s no way to go back. It's over. I screwed up, and eventually got screwed over in the process. There's always a first time for everything, right? ::Lets a long deep sigh out from the bottom of her being:: Never will I be so foolish again. Never again will I involve any part of me. I give up. I'll never love. It's just not meant to be. It's a waste of effort at this point. Nothing will ever come of a dream built on such fallacies. That's all it is, a dream, a distorted, unrealistic, impossible dream. . .

"It's just a travesty. . ."

Is it truly better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all?

I'm just a swirl of green of blue. . .

Soon I shall have the mark of my mistake. A reminder of what I did. An impression in my skin. I shall soon embellish in the pain physically, as well as mentally and emotionally. Soon. . .

The anger has left me, I've only my intense depression left. My dark friend. My only friend. I sink beneath his black wings, melt into his outstretched arms, merge with his bleak body of warmth and welcome. Into a loving embrace. My depression, my soothing love. My life. A true entity I have always possessed. I've had a love all this time. The source of my passion, my agony, my breath. Feeding off of depression, and it's always been mine. I'll never let go. He's here to stay for eternity. All mine. My sweet, cavorting, scandalous love. My depression. Mine. . .

Finally it's out. I'm weak. Fatigue will over take me. I'll fall asleep. I won't dwell any more, I've made my release. Out through the pores. Stinging and numbing my mind all the way. But it's done now. Once I have my impression I can forget forever. Lose the memories. The abhorred tale. I can now rest. I'm done for. All along, all I needed, was an escape. "Lay my head down, fall asleep" Farewell. . .

I never said good-bye. . .