Why can I never talk to anyone? Or, if I can, why can't I fully express myself? Not even those that are the closest to me can I speak to...

I feel so incredibly lonely. Shut out in the dark. I miss the happiness, and even still, the sad moments of gladness, because even if I were upset, I would be with someone who felt the same as I. I miss those emotions entangled with what I had. I hate being such an emotional person. A hopeless romantic. I haven't written in a while, because I didn't need to. My boyfriend went to jail, I was crushed, but at least I could write to him. He was my release. He understood...

But, not any more. I don't feel the same. As though my heart is barren, and still he manages to wrench it. I can't write to him the same. I feel as though it would be a lie. I betrayed him, and he forgave me. But, how can I ever forgive myself? I never will... He deserved better than everything I put him through. No one should have to endure me...

I'm crying; and I don't know why
I hurt; no matter how I try
My heart; is torn forever in pieces
My soul; will die, when it, life releases...

How can I continue on this path
How can I let myself fall
Why do I need this blockade
Why do I need this wall?!

"The darkness is holding me tightly, until the sun rises up..."
What an optimistic point of view...

Confusion runs my lonely days
My sight of love is misty haze
Abandonment seems all so real
This sad depression all I feel
I live my life in anguished torment
My will to breathe becoming dormant

Perhaps I should stop seeing him
If I can't control my every whim
This isn't s'posed to happen to me
I choose what I want; I see
Misery is my one last hope
I'll die in rage; forever mope...

So miserable. I'll figure out what to do eventually...::A heavy sigh rests the breath from her frail chest:: It will all fall into place. Stop dwelling in the furture, and focus on the present.

Funny thoughts...

I feel a bit better now...