A conversation I add with a friend last night...

Normal font = Me
Italics = Him

"Hello."
"Hey..."
"What's up?"
"Not too much I suppose... Reading, and looking... Snooping around... Signing... and finding... I'm boring.."
"What's tonight's movie?"
"Tonight's movie? For...?"
"You + me."
"You and I, huh? Didn't know that was something...You should clue me in more often... Whatever fancies your interest..."
"Lol, shut up."
(Pause)
"::Holds her and asks what's wrong::"
"::Her smile slowly fades as she looks in bewilderment at the person who always knows when something is wrong::"
"::Pets her hair::"
"::Sighs deeply, slumping her body into his arms, letting him carress her::"
"::Kisses her forhead, then whispers:: I am hear to listen."
"I hurt... How do you know when I'm sad?"
"I just do."
"Why do you care? You shouldn't, you know... ::Lowers her voice to a whisper:: Why am I so sad and miserable?::
"::Sees something in her eyes that looks like fireworks::"
"Why is it getting worse? The light has dimmed from my eyes for the time being... Will it spark once more?"
"You just haven't found your place yet in the world."
"::Shrugs her shoulders::"
"But you will."
"Always the optimist..."
"And I will help you."
"Life has truly dealt a cruel blow..."
"::Nods head::"
"::A soft chuckle escapes her lips:: Why would you want to help someone such as I...? Things don't work that way... The anguished sanity that keeps the breath in my chest is my only escape into darkness..."
"Because I see something specal when I look into your eyes."
"Nothing else would matter so much... My eyes are vacant of what they once held.. How can they ever be replenished..?"
"Not all people are hear to take, I am hear to give."
"My heart aches for what I shall never find, and yet, I continue to hope.. Perhaps there should be more of you... No one should have to give so much... For once, I was willing..."
"Keep hoping, because you will find."
"How can you give so much, take so little, and still exist? Though barren and unwanted..."
"I like helping people."
"Such a riddle persists to give life mystery... Shouldn't you help yourself first? How selfless... Am I the opposite..."
"You will see the light young grasshopper, just wait."
"How can sadness consume so much, yet happiness find a single niche and stick... I'd be happier if I were a grasshopper...They have much shorter lives... ::Her lips twist into a wry smile::"
"But a grasshopper cant see me."
"So much yet to see and feel... Grasshoppers have eyes..."
"No lips to kiss."
"But, grasshoppers cannot write..."
"No arms to hug."
"But, they can make music... Their lives are simple, and they need no love... Perhaps, a hermit then..."
"No voice to talk."
"Human, with capabilities, but no needs... Not of the kind I long for anyway... ::Sighs softly and folds her arms around herself:: You don't need this... I am just bothering you..."
"::His voice soft:: Would you like me to come over and be lonely with you? I grow closer every day."
"You shouldn't... It's not good for you.."
"Maybe the two will equal happiness. Together we will find it."
"Why would you want to be sad... It seems to consume my every thought... My every feeling is an embodiment of anguish and torment.. I am not so malicious that I would wish that upon anyone.."
"But you don't make me sad."
"How could I not? Did you really enjoy being around me last night? Moping, and quiet... Depressed and completely out of it..."
"But sometimes you snap out of it and have a good time."
"Yes, sometimes...Why do you enjoy being around me? Isn't it too much 'drama' for your taste?"
"Not yet."
"Haha, then soon perhaps... I try to mellow it out when around you, or anyone for that matter... But, it seems so overwhelming lately.."
"Am I the cause?"
"When I got off the phone with you the first time today, I wrote in my online diary, and felt much better. It helped... Haha, no, you are not the cause. You confuse me, but not the cause.. Writing has that way of doing so..."
"Why do I confuse you?"
"Haha, you do in many ways.."
"How?"
"Either that, or it's my way of interpreting my feelings, and being mad at myself..."
"Why?"
"I feel myself actually starting to like you, and it angers me. It scares me, and I hate it... That's not supposed to happen you see... But, perhaps that is the least of my thought and worries... Things act in odd manners, and some I would rather not act at all...Such as feelings. I wish I had none. For anyone. For life... Existence would be just as sweet, yet so much better.."
"Liar."
"About what?"
"Life without feelings."
"I would say I'd be the happiest person, but I suppose if there were no feelings, I wouldn't be 'happy'... Now would I..."
"How are you going to find a guy?"
"Haha, I'm not. A long ago accepted reality... No one wants something as tormented or demented as I... How could anyone put up with this... I feel as though I am wallowing in self pity..."
"Something what?"
"It angers me, yet deepens the depression that threatens to drown me..."
"Are you?"
"So confused, yet alone, and scarred.."
"Of what?"
"I've always considered myself a hopeless romantic.. Romance rules my thoughts, but I consider it hopeless to attain.."
"Why is it hopeless?"
"Why do people cry themselves to sleep on lonely nights... do you know? Because they're alone, or because they know they will always be alone?"
"That's not true."
"Why do people wake from terrifying dreams, not all that scared? Because they know, however bad their dreams, it is still better than reality..."
(Pause)
"What are you doing after school?"
"Going home."
"Why?"
"Why not? So, I can wallow some more..."
"Why don't you come wallow with me?"
"Hm... You're not wallowing..."
"Yes I am."
"What the hell do you have to wallow about? Oh, yeah, nevermind.."
"Everything."
"Haha... You know, I think you will always be wallowing over her..."
"Nah.. Pigs wallow humans live."
"Haha.. If that's the case, in my next life, I'm going to be a pig... Or maybe I was in my last life.. Amy will be envious.."
"Me, too."
(Pause)
"I'm cold.."
"Get warm."
"Haha, impossible... The cold comes from all over, not just the exterior..."
(Pause)
"I am getting off line now..."
"Do you want me to call you?"
"If you want to..."
"Do you want me to?"
"Sure."
"OK, it's a date."
"I'll talk to you later... Adieu..."
"Bye."

Perhaps if I could get my thougts together, I wouldn't be so down. I didn't think I could really talk to him about anything, I guess I shall see... By the way, I have no idea why I put that in here... Jut an example of my every day life at work... Almost...